The Dreaded, Evil Fitted Sheet

My Uncle Wayne reads my blog on a regular basis and often leaves amusing comments and anecdotes.  When he sent me the following story about trying to follow an instructional video on folding a fitted sheet, I asked him if I could use it for one of my blog posts.  He agreed as long as I shared the video that made it look so easy.  So without further ado, I offer you the humor of my Uncle Wayne Gladden.

A couple of weeks ago I received an instructional video for the proper folding of a fitted sheet.  I thought  it was so good that I forwarded it to several friends. First, you should know that I have been fighting a courageous, but losing, battle with the dreaded, evil fitted sheet for several years.  As I watched that video I began to smile, smirk and gleefully rub my hands together.  I now had the secret  weapon to win the war!  Oh, it was hard waiting until it was time to change the bed linens, but I told myself that delayed gratification always made the prize sweeter.

The day arrived!  My eyes popped open, I leaped out of bed,  stripped it, and before the sheets were cool they were in the washer.  The washer seemed to take forever.  While I waited I put fresh linens on the bed.  The washer was still washing.  I took my dog, Penny, outside telling her that this was going to be a great day.  Came back in.  Washer still going.  Fixed breakfast.  Washer still going.  Ate breakfast and cleaned up.  Washer stopped!

I threw the linens in the dryer and waited.  And waited.  I was primed and ready.  The second the dryer stopped I yanked open the door and unraveled the fitted sheet from the load.  Then I removed everything from those sneaky pockets that all fitted sheets have.  You gotta watch em,  they like to hide socks and things in those corner pockets.  Holding that sheet out still warm and unwrinkled, I raced to the bedroom calling for Penny to come and watch.  She obeyed  and followed, but I thought I detected an “Oh, this ought to be good!” look on her face. 

I remembered the instructions:

Turn the sheet with the outside facing you. 

“Got it!”

Find the lengthwise corners and hold one in each hand.

“Got it!  Oh yeah, this is good.”

Tuck the right corner into the left corner. 

“Got it.  Yeah!” 

Now tuck the lower right corner into the upper left corner.  

“Got it!  Hey Penny, is this good or what?"

Next, tuck the lower left corner into the upper left corner.

Lower left corner into....left corner?  There’s got be a lower left corner.  I know there is.  Has to be. Can’t find it.  I search, I slide, I turn.  Ah!  There you are.  Nuts!  with all that searching and sliding the other three corners have come untucked.  I think Penny fell asleep. 

SECOND ATTEMPT.  Same as the first except I kept a sharp eye on that elusive lower forth corner.  It could run, but it couldn’t hide.  When the time came I tucked that sucker!  

Now with your right hand hold the other end and give it a gentle shake to even it out.

Well, I don’t think that the instructor actually said that, but she did it.  At least, I think she did.  

Lay it down on the table (I didn’t have a table, so I was using the bed.  Same thing, right?)  Fold this end over.  

"OK, OK, got it."

Now, do a trifold.  

"Got it."

Now one last fold and you are done.  

"OK, one last fold and......OMG!"

It was then that I remembered something important:  Hey, I’m a guy!  Nobody expects a guy to be neat.  Why bother?   I looked at Penny.  She had a paw over her eyes.  She wasn’t going to tell.  I grabbed up that pile of evil fitted sheet, jerked open the linen closet door, shoved it in and slammed the door shut before it could escape.

SCORE:    EVIL FITTED SHEET     2.     WAYNE G.     0.


As promised, Uncle Wayne, here is the video that made it all sound so simple.  If it's any consolation, when the video shifts to laying the sheet on a table, I think she played a switch-a-roo. We don't see her lay the same sheet down that she was holding.  We have to assume she did.  Hmmmm.

  As for the rest of you...What do you think?  Does it work?