Campaign Challenge: Absence
For those of you looking for my post on National Buy A Book Day, scroll down below this post (after you read it).
In this post, I'm responding to the first challenge in the Platform Building Campaign. Here are the guidelines followed by my story:
Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)
Absence
The door swung open, creaking on unused hinges. Rachel leaned forward and studied the man slumped in the chair across the room.
“Sam?” Her voice croaked. She swallowed and tried again, a little louder. “Sam?”
The balding, elderly man jerked awake, snorting.
She giggled at the memory of the sound.
His red-rimmed eyes focused on her. “Rachel?” He rushed to her side. “You’re here.”
Those words used to pain her, but now, she felt thanks for the few times she heard them. “Yes, dear Sam, I’m here.”
Sam knelt beside her and ran a tender, gnarled hand down her cheek.
“How long?” Rachel asked. He looked older than she remembered. She didn’t dare check her own reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall beside her.
“It doesn’t matter.” Sam’s eyes spilled gentle tears, and he swiped at them. “You’re here now.”
Irritation spiked in Rachel’s heart. “No, Sam. How long?”
The haunted look that washed into his gaze gave her a moment’s regret.
“Four months. You missed Christmas.”
“And our anniversary.” Rachel sagged in the chair.
“Fifty-two years.” He leaned in to kiss her.
Rachel shrank back from the old geezer leaning over her, and the door swung shut.
Comments
Good post, Barbara! :)
Patricia T. #85
And welcome to the blogfest! Glad to see you've taken the challenge as well as the writer's campaign, kudos! RuleOfThreeBlogfest
Oh and nice to meet you fellow campaigner.
I wrote this in a hurry and can see why there are other interpretations. I like the suggestion that he's in prison. That could become an interesting exploration for later.
Stobby
Just stopping by to let you know your entry has been shortlisted to move on to the next stage of the challenge! Congratulations on such a great piece!
Lovely and emotional story.
My entry.
BTW, you've been tagged! http://blogspot.mystictreehouse.com/2011/09/ive-been-tagged.html
One way, it seems like she was gone 52 years but why is she bothered he's a geezer when you say he's gnarled earlier?
Or is it that she disappears again?
The writing is good but I think I must be dense because I can't decide which way you meant it.
Tirz
You've come in Third Place out of 384 entries - what an awesome result!!! I felt your story deep inside, and connected it with Alzheimers straight away. It really moved me (and I'm pretty chuffed I got your metaphorical usage of doorways through my reading) :) From reading, it makes me wonder if you've had personal experience with Alzheimers, a relative perhaps?
Well done again - make sure you pop by my blog to see what you've won ;)
Hugs,
Rach
Rachael, I haven't experienced Alzheimer's through a close relative, but I know many who have cared for loved ones with the disease. Thanks, again, for your kind comments.