Vote For Your Favorite Character Development Entry

Last week, this blog offered a contest for the best character development achieved by adding a few extra details to a sentence or two about your character.

The Challenge

Taking a sentence from one of their works, the writers shared the original sentence, then rewrote the sentence with a few extra details in order to develop the character more.

The Entries

As you look at the entries below, ask yourself:  Which one does the best job of adding to the development of the character?

  • Please vote by option letter for your favorite rewrite. 
  • To be counted, your vote must be made in the Comments section of this post. 
  • Feel free to share this post and encourage others to vote. Please only vote once.

Option A
  • Original: "The sleeves were rolled up to show off the patterned tattoo on my right arm."
  • Rewrite: "The sleeves were rolled up to show off the tattoo on my right arm, a pair of angel wings sprouting from a cross."

Option B
(Historical Novel)
  • Original: “Supper’s leftovers,” Millie Wentworth said from her place at the head of the table. She still looked barely presentable.
  • Rewrite: “Supper’s leftovers,” Millie Wentworth said from her place at the head of the table. She still looked barely presentable, with top buttons still undone and her bun in disarray. 

Option C:
  • Original: He carried Erica to the far side of the rock formation and laid her between two large boulders.
  • Rewrite: He carried Erica's limp body to the far side of the rock formation and laid her between two large boulders.

Option D:
  • Original: Joel skipped and bumped his way over to the Commander, too excited to fly straight.
  • Rewrite: Too excited to fly straight, Joel held his iridescent wings folded tightly against his slender frame and skittered over to the Commander.

Option E:
  • Original: "She was alone in a rental car, single, and with one suitcase to her name."
  • Rewrite: "She was alone in the car. It was a rental, bluetooth, back-up cameras, all the bells and whistles, and also a Black Chrysler Voyager which was the biggest and most unnecessary car available on the lot to give to a single female with one suitcase."  

Option F:
  • Original: She had frizzy, shoulder-length red hair.
  • Rewrite: She had a fright of crinkly red hair that cascaded haphazardly past her face and stopped just short of her shoulders.

Voting ends on Monday April 17 at noon.  I will announce the winner in the post on April 18.

One lucky winner will receive:
  • Writer's Editing and Critiquing Tips pdf (based on several of my blog posts)
  • 25% discount on a manuscript edit or proofread or a free 50 page edit*
  • An issue of moonShine review featuring my short story, "Just Me"

Every one who entered will receive a pdf of the 10 Grammar Rules Every Writer Should Know and a few other grammar goodies.

*Fine print:
Manuscript must be double-spaced, 12 point font, one inch margins. 
A single manuscript of up to 200 pages or up to 50 pages for free.
 Pages in excess of 200 will be billed at full price.
Editing offer expires June 30, 2017.


Bob Strother said…
Option F, please.
Arisia said…
Option A best meets the specifics of the contest.
Anonymous said…
Option A gets my vote.
Anonymous said…
Hands down, F
Henry Danis said…
I'm going with Option F
Henry said…
I vote for C. The goal was to add a single detail that really changed my perception of the scene as it was presented in the original sentence. The simple addition of "limp" really changed my impression of what was going on.
Anonymous said…
Option E
Anonymous said…
Option E

David B
Anonymous said…
Option F

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