Vote For Your Favorite Character Development Entry
The ChallengeTaking a sentence from one of their works, the writers shared the original sentence, then rewrote the sentence with a few extra details in order to develop the character more.
The EntriesAs you look at the entries below, ask yourself: Which one does the best job of adding to the development of the character?
- Please vote by option letter for your favorite rewrite.
- To be counted, your vote must be made in the Comments section of this post.
- Feel free to share this post and encourage others to vote. Please only vote once.
- Original: "The sleeves were rolled up to show off the patterned tattoo on my right arm."
- Rewrite: "The sleeves were rolled up to show off the tattoo on my right arm, a pair of angel wings sprouting from a cross."
- Original: “Supper’s leftovers,” Millie Wentworth said from her place at the head of the table. She still looked barely presentable.
- Rewrite: “Supper’s leftovers,” Millie Wentworth said from her place at the head of the table. She still looked barely presentable, with top buttons still undone and her bun in disarray.
- Original: He carried Erica to the far side of the rock formation and laid her between two large boulders.
- Rewrite: He carried Erica's limp body to the far side of the rock formation and laid her between two large boulders.
- Original: Joel skipped and bumped his way over to the Commander, too excited to fly straight.
- Rewrite: Too
excited to fly straight, Joel held his iridescent wings folded tightly
against his slender frame and skittered over to the Commander.
- Original: "She was alone in a rental car, single, and with one suitcase to her name."
- Rewrite: "She was alone in the car. It was a rental, bluetooth, back-up cameras, all the bells and whistles, and also a Black Chrysler Voyager which was the biggest and most unnecessary car available on the lot to give to a single female with one suitcase."
- Original: She had frizzy, shoulder-length red hair.
- Rewrite: She had a fright of crinkly red hair that cascaded haphazardly past her face and stopped just short of her shoulders.
Voting ends on Monday April 17 at noon. I will announce the winner in the post on April 18.
One lucky winner will receive:
- Writer's Editing and Critiquing Tips pdf (based on several of my blog posts)
- 25% discount on a manuscript edit or proofread or a free 50 page edit*
- An issue of moonShine review featuring my short story, "Just Me"
Every one who entered will receive a pdf of the 10 Grammar Rules Every Writer Should Know and a few other grammar goodies.
Pages in excess of 200 will be billed at full price.